Priorities

I’m a little discombobulated at the moment to really feel like it at the moment (note to self: family gatherings are hard. I’m really glad that I had the day off from all obligations today in order to recuperate), but one of my problems is that I really do have too much to say and do.

I sometimes try to keep a list of possible projects in the back of my head, for those days that I’m full of disconnected nervous energy to work on something and I don’t know what. That hasn’t happened in a while–I’ve been working on the book for about three months (almost done! Hopefully the return to normalcy tomorrow will make for productive times, because I really only have darkest moment, final battle and denouement to go)–but it’s looked something like this:

  • Legal Definitions Comic
  • Breakup Cards
  • Demonic Bargain Broker Stories
  • “Be Fruitful and Multiply” Space Pilgrim Story
  • Practice narrating books (figure LibriVox is a good platform for learning)
  • Make a real website
  • Rerelease old webcomics
  • Make list of blogpost ideas/extra blogposts

Let’s examine some of these.

Legal Definitions Comic is a one-panel black-and-white ink comic that I feel would work well as a weekly release. Inspiration is obtained by flipping randomly through my old Legal Definitions Explained textbook from school. I think it’s a natural for the local bar association magazine, but would webcomic well. It would also merch fantastically.

Cons? For something like that to work, I have to do it consistently–and that’s one thing that I’m not good at. My artistic history is a map of spending several months sinking all free time into a project I’m really excited about and perform well… and then stop, deadened on the concept entirely. (It’s one of the reasons I like the idea of writing books. You’ve got a discrete product. If I write a book, then never write another book again–well, I probably won’t sell much of that one book. But my refusal to work on that project anymore doesn’t ruin or minimize what I’ve already written. Webcomics pretty much require you keep going forever.)

But the biggest con? Well, it’s one that makes literally no sense, and is as self destructive as any concept I’ve ever had. It remains irritatingly hard to shake.

Choosing one project by necessity means not choosing the others.

…so I tend to create nothing except piles and piles of ballpoint pen sketches. (That’s one of the reasons I was able to convince myself to restart the blog, though–so long as I have a ballpoint pen sketch, I have content. I just have to come up with a couple of paragraphs to put alongside of it.)

 

There’s hope. I’m literally a few scenes from the end of my book. Then fill in a few scenes that either didn’t get put in the first time, or don’t work with information that came out later. (It turns out my main character has no hesitation about laying down his life as a virgin sacrifice, and it’s this core concept of duty and devotion (however misguided) that leads him to even be able to Heel Face Turn later. That… has some fairly large impacts on the scene where we first lay out our concepts.) Then an editing pass, finding some betas, another editing pass, blah blah blah… those are going to take a while, yeah. But again. Discrete product.

But let’s just say I’m struggling with it.

I spent most of today recovering my lost calm from the weekend. So today’s ballpoint pen drawing is one of my earlier drawings of Michael, when I was first trying to work out what a creepy cult member protagonist might look like, just from a pile I’ve been keeping around (of mostly unusable stuff, it turns out.)

You can’t see it here, but in my other early drawings of Michael, I had him as a head taller than Tess. It’s a little weird to get my head into that place; pint-sized murderbot is a really core part of his concept now. But hey.

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